Season 6, Episode 10: Self-Care with Dr Megan Anna Neff
On today’s episode we’re excited to welcome Dr. Megan Anna Neff to the podcast to chat with us about neurodivergence and self-care. Megan is a clinical psychologist, author, and the founder of Neurodivergent Insights.
She’s written Self-Care for Autistic People and has a new book on Autistic burnout coming soon. Megan discovered her own neurodivergence at 37, which sparked her passion for raising awareness around non-stereotypical presentations of autism and ADHD. Through her work, she creates resources to support the neurodivergent community and co-hosts the Divergent Conversations podcast.
In this episode, we cover:
How Megan thinks about neurodivergence, including side quests into right brain / left brain ideas and the concept of time. (Trust us, it’s relevant!)
Megan’s path to discovering her own neurodivergence, and the relief and grief associated with that.
Understanding self-care within our socio-cultural context.
A re-imagined definition of self-care.
Examples of self-care strategies and ways that we can embed self-care into our everyday functioning.
Common blocks to self-care experienced by neurodivergent women, AFAB, and parents.
The experience of transitional identity for late diagnosed folks.
De-shaming from self-care strategies that may be perceived negatively or have unwanted unintended consequences.
[00:06:05] What does neurodivergence mean to Megan?
Key Takeaways:
For Megan, neurodivergence is not only a functional difference but also a source of pride and affirmation. Embracing this identity brought clarity and connection to her life.
Words often carry sensory and emotional richness for neurodivergent individuals, becoming experiences in themselves. This associative way of processing adds both complexity and delight, enriching how we engage with language and concepts.
Megan highlights the nuanced understanding of left and right brain functions, noting that the left brain is often associated with organising experiences and language, while the right brain connects us to sensation, emotion, and creativity.
Integration of these hemispheres has been a lifelong pursuit for her, as modern, industrialised cultures often prioritise left-brain linearity, leaving less room for right-brain imagination and attunement.
[00:14:10] Megan’s path to discovering her own neurodivergence
Key Takeaways:
Megan’s discovery of being Autistic at age 37 was sparked by researching Autism in girls for her child. Within a week of diving into the topic, she realised, “It’s me,” marking the beginning of a transformative journey that brought both clarity and complex emotions.
Following her Autism discovery, Megan identified as having ADHD while creating her signature Venn diagrams. She found she had been attributing certain traits to Autism that were actually ADHD, highlighting how interconnected and nuanced these diagnoses can be.
Megan describes her neurodivergence as both a refuge and a challenge. Her mind is a place of creativity and exploration, but executive functioning struggles and sensory sensitivities present significant obstacles to engaging in life as she’d prefer.
The experience of late identification brought Megan a mix of “relief and grief.” Relief came with finally understanding herself, while grief followed months later as she processed the backward grief of not knowing earlier and the forward grief of navigating her limits and what might not be possible.
Processing grief involved bolstering her therapy, having open conversations with her partner about shared losses, and finding community spaces that allow for honest, affirming discussions about the joys and challenges of neurodivergence.
[00:23:27] What is Self-Care?
Key Takeaways:
Megan critiques the commercialisation of self-care, highlighting how it often acts as a fragmented bandaid on lives that inherently grind us down. Instead of recharging to endure non-functional systems, she advocates for broader conversations about creating lives and societies that truly work for us.
The Industrial Revolution brought conveniences but also introduced values like efficiency and productivity that disconnect us from ourselves, others, and the land. Megan describes how these shifts led to a mechanical view of humanity, influencing how we perceive self-care as “recharging a battery” instead of fostering holistic well-being.
True self-care involves reimagining how we live, creating environments, routines, and paces of life that meet our fundamental needs, so we aren’t constantly relying on small, fragmented acts of self-care just to survive.
For Monique, aligning her living environment with her neurodivergent needs—being close to nature, avoiding big cities, and leading a less hectic life—is a form of self-care that minimises the need for constant "little sips of oxygen" to get through each day.
Megan reframes self-care as “a way of being with myself,” integrated into the life we build, rather than solely compartmentalised acts. While there’s a place for those acts, sustainable self-care stems from foundational choices that honour personal needs and values.
“I often think about self-care as a way of being with myself rather than something I add to my list.”
[00:32:50] Examples of self-care strategies and ways that we can embed self-care into our everyday functioning
Key Takeaways:
Self-care begins with self-attunement, a practice that can be challenging but vital for neurodivergent individuals. With sensitive systems that experience greater stressors and require more rest, downtime, and sensory self-care, prioritising an embedded model of self-care becomes essential to navigate the demands of a neurotypical world.
Dr. Dan Wendler’s framework differentiates between self-soothing self-care (helpful during states of shutdown or hypervigilance) and self-nourishing self-care, which often requires more effort but contributes to long-term well-being, such as prioritising sleep or movement. A balance of both is essential.
True self-care involves addressing unmet needs—physical, mental, relational, and sensory—through practices like relational care, community care, and connection to nature, which all feed into a holistic sense of care.
For many neurodivergent people, basic needs like eating, hydrating, or resting can require significant effort due to executive functioning challenges or interoceptive difficulties. Meeting these needs often feels like self-care because of the energy it demands.
Neurotypical individuals often don’t notice sensory or self-care needs because their lives are structured to meet them by default. Neurodivergent people, by contrast, must actively manage their sensory inputs and create strategies for maintaining balance, which adds additional labour to their daily routines.
Megan highlights the power of reconceptualising self-care as a “way of being with yourself moment to moment”, rather than a rigid task or practice. This approach creates a sense of agency and reduces the pressure of adhering to prescribed routines.
[00:57:20] Common blocks to self-care experienced by neurodivergent women, AFAB, and parents.
Key Takeaways:
Neurodivergent women, particularly those assigned female at birth (AFAB), often struggle with self-care because they find it hard to recognise their own needs. This can stem from either disconnecting from their bodies as a defence mechanism or having difficulty sensing internal cues like hunger or thirst. Developing this awareness takes time and practice.
Societal conditioning often teaches AFAB individuals to minimise their presence and prioritise others. Taking up space—whether physically, emotionally, or through asserting needs—feels difficult, making self-care a challenge.
Masking behaviours, where neurodivergent individuals suppress their natural instincts and needs to fit in or feel safe, create further barriers to self-care. Masking encourages distrust in bodily signals, reinforcing the difficulty of meeting basic needs.
Lack of self-care modelling in childhood can impact a person’s ability to prioritise their needs as adults. For some, survival mode was normalised, leaving them without the tools or permission to practice self-care. Positive modelling—like explicit prioritisation of needs—is crucial for learning to care for oneself.
The transition from masking to self-trust and boundary-setting feels vulnerable, akin to shedding armour before new protective mechanisms are developed. It’s a fragile but essential phase of identity integration, particularly after late-in-life discovery.
[01:14:19] Self-care tips for neurodivergent parents of neurodivergent children
Key takeaways:
Neurodivergent parents often face scarcity—of time, energy, and finances—while managing their needs alongside those of their neurodivergent children. This can make self-care feel unattainable.
Connection with other neurodivergent parents can provide a sense of solidarity and understanding, especially when traditional parenting spaces may not align with the dual experience of being neurodivergent and raising neurodivergent kids.
Shared self-soothing activities that support both the parent and the child can be transformative. These might include movement-based activities like long walks, which can provide sensory regulation for the child and relief for the parent.
Embedding self-care into daily routines is crucial. Rather than viewing self-care as a luxury or escape, it’s about creating a sustainable life that supports both parent and child without constant burnout.
Systemic issues, such as school environments that dysregulate neurodivergent children, contribute to parental stress. Advocacy for affirming systems could significantly reduce the strain on neurodivergent families.
Connect with Dr. Megan Anna Neff:
Find Dr Neff’s work at her website - neurodivergentinsights.com
Listen to her on the Divergent Conversations podcast.
She is also on Instagram @neurodivergent_insights
The Learning Nook, a digital community where many late-identified neurodivergent folks connect and share.
Dr Neff’s book: Self-Care for Autistic People
Follow Megan through your preferred medium to be notified when her new Autistic Burnout Workbook is released!
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