Season 7, Episode 5: Neurodivergence and Teens with Dr Michelle Garnett
On today’s episode, we are deeply honoured to have Dr Michelle Garnett speaking with us about neurodivergence in the teen years, as well as her own life experience as a neurodivergent woman.
Dr Garnett is a clinical psychologist, author, and late-diagnosed AuDHDer, and she has worked in the autistic community for over 30 years. Listeners would likely know her as the co-founder of Attwood & Garnett Events, with Professor Tony Attwood. Dr Garnett is a leading voice in neuro-affirming care, research, and advocacy.
In this episode, we cover:
What neurodivergence means to Michelle.
Michelle’s experience of her neurodivergence and anxiety throughout her life, and things that she has personally found helpful in managing anxiety.
[We get here at about the 40-minute mark!] Reasons why the transition to the teen years can be so challenging for neurodivergent teens and their families, including neurological changes and differences, school and the broader environment.
Identity formation in the teen years for neurodivergent teens.
Making room for your own emotions as a parent.
Signs to look out for that may indicate your young person is struggling.
Tips for parents and caregivers supporting neurodivergent young people.
Michelle’s five key messages for neurodivergent teens.
[00:04:58] What neurodivergence means to Michelle
Key Takeaways:
Neurodivergence is a relatively new label for Michelle G., but she sees it as an important and flexible term that reflects a shift in how we understand and honour different ways of thinking, sensing, feeling, and relating.
She describes neurodivergence as having a different operating system—one that shapes every aspect of waking and sleeping life—and believes this framing helps us approach people with more awareness and respect.
The term originated within the Autistic community and now includes a wide range of conditions, which can be both validating and confusing, especially for those new to the concept.
While it’s helpful that someone can simply say “I’m neurodivergent” without needing to disclose specifics, that simplicity can also obscure important differences between people.
Michelle G. shares that neurodivergent people are a minority within a minority, often more vulnerable to being misunderstood, excluded, or harmed, and she encourages others to respond with curiosity, compassion, and an open heart.
Michelle G. shares that the value of the term lies in its ability to foster self-understanding and reduce stigma, but she emphasises that it should be met with curiosity, respect, and a soft heart—not romanticised or flattened.
[00:09:25] Michelle’s experience of her neurodivergence and anxiety throughout her life, and things that she has personally found helpful in managing anxiety
Key Takeaways:
Michelle G. shares that her understanding of her own neurodivergence unfolded slowly, beginning with a sense of connection to Autistic people long before she recognised herself as Autistic. When the realisation came, it brought clarity and relief, reframing years of social anxiety and depressive episodes.
She describes her early life as marked by confusion, loneliness, and low self-esteem, with bullying and social exclusion leaving a lasting impact. Masking came later, and while it eventually helped her navigate the world, she sees it now as both a survival strategy and a source of harm.
Managing anxiety was especially difficult in environments that demanded constant social navigation, like university lecturing. Despite applying CBT techniques, including exposure therapy, her anxiety remained severe, with physical symptoms like vomiting persisting for over a year. She later recognised this was due to a dysregulated nervous system and interoception issues that standard therapies didn’t address.
Michelle G. found CBT insufficient as a standalone therapy for her as an Autistic person, but acknowledges it can be useful for some co-occurring conditions and that it helped her to identify certain patterns like black-and-white thinking and negative self-evaluation. Jungian psychotherapy and yoga were personally helpful for Michelle G.
Yoga became a turning point. It helped her reconnect with her body, calm her inner critic, and reset her nervous system. She credits yoga with making her a calmer parent, improving her relationships, and allowing her to feel truly at peace in her body and mind—well before receiving a formal diagnosis.
“We all know that teenage years are turbulent for many, but there’s definite research that bears on this in terms of why neurodivergent teenagers find it so hard. ”
[00:39:18] Reasons why the transition to the teen years can be so challenging for neurodivergent teens and their families, including neurological changes and differences, school, and the broader environment
Key Takeaways:
The transition to the teen years is particularly difficult for neurodivergent young people due to the intensity of change. Hormonal shifts can destabilise the nervous system, triggering intense anxiety, exhaustion, and depression, which may not always look like fear but instead can present as rage, meltdowns, or withdrawal.
Puberty can create a profound sense of body betrayal for some teens, especially those who feel distress over bodily changes they didn’t want or expect. This loss of control can heighten anxiety, particularly for those who rely on predictability and structure to feel safe.
Brain differences in regions like the prefrontal cortex and insula contribute to difficulties with interoception, emotional regulation, and accurate threat perception, leading to misinterpretations of events and heightened fear responses without the life experience (in the teen years) to contextualise or reframe an experience.
The environment compounds the neurological challenges. High school typically demands independence, emotional maturity, and academic multitasking before teens are developmentally ready—especially for those whose brains develop differently.
Michelle G. explains that school can be experienced as a hostile, exhausting environment for neurodivergent students. Even when distress is not visible, they may be masking intensely to survive in a system not built for them. A more compassionate, capacity-based approach from families and educators is essential, especially while systemic change is still catching up.
[00:58:36] Identity formation in the teen years for neurodivergent teens
Key Takeaways:
Identity formation can be especially complex for neurodivergent teens, as differences in neurology often make it harder to connect internal experiences with external reality. This disconnect can leave them feeling disoriented and struggling to conceptualise who they are.
When neurodivergent teens face rejection or bullying, their developing sense of self may internalise those negative experiences, leading them to believe they are unlikable or worthless. This distorted self-concept often emerges not from internal truth but from repeated adverse social feedback.
Teens may cope by internalising (through anxiety, depression, or dissociation), externalising (through anger or defiance), or camouflaging (suppressing the authentic self to fit in). These are all psychological responses to a disrupted identity formation process.
A diagnosis in the teen years doesn’t always bring immediate relief or acceptance. Teens often reject neurodivergent labels because they’re trying to belong, not stand out. The more effective path is attuned presence—meeting them where they are and valuing their inner experience, even when they can’t fully articulate it.
Michelle G. emphasises that helping neurodivergent teens develop a positive sense of identity requires connecting the mind and body. Validation, reflective listening, and body-based awareness are more important than explaining traits or pushing labels.
[01:08:30] Making room for your own emotions as a parent
Key Takeaways:
Michelle G. reflects that parenting with a soft, open heart is powerful but often unfamiliar, especially for those who weren’t raised with this approach. It requires a shift away from control and correction toward presence and attunement with the child in front of you.
During a mental health crisis with her daughter, Michelle G. experienced overwhelming emotions—guilt, anger, self-doubt, and the pressure to remain calm at all times—which made her feel as though her own feelings didn’t matter.
She emphasises the importance of making space for a parent’s emotional experience without letting it take over when supporting a child. This means stepping aside internally while still holding and honouring your own pain, fear, and responsibility.
Getting professional support was crucial for Michelle G. She saw psychologists for herself, for parenting support, and for her daughter. She believes that parents need their own therapeutic space, especially when their child is struggling, because it affects the entire family system.
Rebuilding connection with a struggling teen takes time and can feel uncertain. Michelle G. shares that it took 18 months in her case and acknowledges that for some, it takes much longer. What matters is staying open, responsive, and available to reconnect—even if the path is slow and unclear.
[01:13:48] Signs to look out for that may indicate your young person is struggling
Key takeaways:
Signs that a neurodivergent teen is struggling often start with shifts in energy—becoming more listless, withdrawing from previously enjoyed activities, or spending more time alone in their room, especially on screens.
A sudden reluctance or refusal to attend school is a strong indicator, particularly if challenges are happening there. This can range from school avoidance to a complete shutdown: “I just can’t go.”
Increased emotional dysregulation is another key sign. Suppressed or unprocessed emotions may erupt as intense meltdowns, which can involve shouting, rage, or unsafe behaviours toward property or others.
Shutdowns are also common and may appear as complete stillness, non-responsiveness, or curling into a fetal position. These responses are typically signs of nervous system overload and a freeze state, not defiance.
Michelle G. explains that when these behaviours show up, they often signal that the teen is in a state of “can’t,” not “won’t”—their system is overwhelmed and protecting itself by going offline.
[01:16:05] Tips for parents and caregivers supporting neurodivergent young people
Key takeaways:
When signs of distress appear, it’s important to lean in gently and with curiosity, even if your teen doesn’t want to talk to you. If you’re not the right person, help them find someone they feel safe with—whether it’s a professional, relative, sibling, or trusted adult.
Michelle G. shares that it’s essential to let teens lead conversations about what they want to talk about, not what adults think they should discuss. Emotional safety and a sense of control are key for teens to open up.
Progress often feels slow, especially when your child seems closed off, but the slow way is the fast way. When you give them space and time without pressure, the door gradually opens, and lasting connection becomes possible.
Michelle G. reminds parents that even when a young person appears hopeless or resistant, there is always a part of them that wants to get better, connect, and feel okay in the world. When they can’t hold that hope, parents can hold it for them.
Parenting a neurodivergent teen is a long-term, emotionally intense journey. To keep showing up with compassion, parents must also support themselves—find ways to recharge, stay connected to a future vision, and speak to themselves with kindness to avoid burnout and remain emotionally available.
[01:23:40] Michelle’s five key messages for neurodivergent teens
Key takeaways:
Focus on what lights you up. Passions provide energy, joy, and identity, even when everything else feels hard. It doesn’t matter if it’s something that others think is ‘silly’—if it brings you pleasure and doesn’t cause harm, it matters.
Find people who get you. They don’t have to be your age, and you only need one person who truly understands you. The right connection, even just one, can make all the difference.
Be your own best friend. You are the person you come home to every day. If you don’t have a kind inner voice yet, try borrowing one—from a real person, a character, or someone you admire—and speak to yourself as you would speak to them.
You’re allowed not to know. You don’t need to have it all figured out. Changing your mind is okay. Curiosity and openness are more important than certainty.
Learn to make friends with your feelings. Emotions are messengers, not enemies. When you can name them, feel them in your body, and let them pass through without judgement, they become much easier to navigate.
Connect with Dr Michelle Garnett:
Find Michelle at Attwood and Garnett Events and on Instagram @attwoodgarnett
Things We Mentioned:
Attwood & Garnett Events in general
Webcast: Autism and Career Burnout - 11th April 2025 – Attwood & Garnett Events
Webcast: Autism: Developing a Positive Self-Identity - 22nd August 202 – Attwood & Garnett Events
Succeeding with Autistic Teenagers – Attwood & Garnett Events
Books Dr Garnett recommends for parents
Out of the Box by Madonna King and Rebecca Sparrow
Supporting Autistic Girls and Gender Diverse Youth - Yellow Ladybugs
If Autistic themselves: The Neurodivergence Skills Workbook for Autism and ADHD by Jennifer Kemp & Monique Mitchelson
Podcasts Dr Garnett recommends for teens
For identity and self-acceptance (not identified as ND): Feeling Seen, The Happiness Lab, Ologies
For identified and accepted ND: Uniquely Human: The Podcast, The Divergent Mind
Storytelling & relatable for teens: This Teenage Life, Teenager Therapy, Brave Not Perfect
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